Behind The Song 11:11PM by Valen
What is the main theme and feeling around 11:11pm?
The main theme and feeling of 11:11pm is about heartbreak. I ended a relationship I was in at the time, my parents separated as well. I remember feeling so depressed, so alone in this world. So sad, like the saddest that I've ever been, and I knew it was time to heal through song. And the more I wrote about how lonely I felt, and the more I deepened myself into that void of loneliness, the more I began to contemplate life, the more I felt connected to my surroundings and everything around me. And it brought relief and solitude. It felt more like my heart breaking itself open to reveal something much more deeper than the pain that I was feeling. And that's why in the song I can say, you know, I'm not afraid to be lonely anymore because I felt it so deeply to what I feel the truth of it was when I was in the car writing. It no longer felt like loneliness anymore. It made me feel connected to things around me because I was so isolated. That's the main theme of it, a song of heartbreak but of a different kind of heartbreak...of a heart breaking open rather than remaining...rather than staying broken.
So tell me, do you have a strong support system?
I've never had a strong support system. You know, my father thought that studying for a music degree would get me nowhere in life. I remember dropping out of high school and telling my mother "I'm gonna go music school now and study music." She suggested I become a nurse or a doctor, or work in the health field because it would get me more money. I felt so much resentment towards my family, and then it was towards the world. It felt good to blame God. And I remember in that outrage when I finally released it, it just felt so authentic. That's all I needed to do. I just needed to release the truth that I'm just angry. I'm angry that these people aren't supporting me that I would have assumed would be there for me. Everyone that I was surrounding myself with...I would see their families support them and that was something that is not normal - like it's not normal to me. It was just so confusing. After I had that cathartic release, all that was left was just me, myself and my passion. And that's all that mattered at the end of the day. It was just my love for songwriting, my love for making music. It also strengthened my bond and relationship with, you know, this source beyond myself - this thing that we call 'God'. No matter what happens, I can now say that I went through something that gave me the strength and resilience to remain standing in a room full of doubt. And I'm so happy because today, like years later I'm still doing what I love. And I'm still doing the thing that makes me happy. I almost let the opinions of others take that away from me, but now I'm able to remain true to who I am and just not let that get to me.
Where did you write 11:11pm?
When you live under the same roof with people or family who don't support what you do, it can feel unsafe. I remember feeling afraid to express myself. Because every time I finished music school all I wanted to do was write songs and you know, make music. There wasn't a place for comfort and safety at home for me. Ans so I would drive out west, park up in a spot with a nice view and I would just continue to write about how lonely I felt. That gave me my voice back. It gave me a sense of comfort that I couldn't get at home. My 90's Hyundai Lantra became my music studio where I wrote so many of my songs. A few of them including 11:11pm on my album that I'm fundraising for. But a lot of the songs that I wrote during that time was in my music studio, which was my car. So to answer your question, I wrote it in my car. I don't have the car anymore but...(Valen shrugs her shoulders and laughs.)
11:11pm - is it a part of a bigger body of work?
11:11pm is a part of a body of work. I'm currently fundraising for my album. The uncertainty of not completing this album worries me at times but my relationship with faith remains, and I'm glad that I have it because it helps me to block out noise and all the distractions. And it keeps me focused on my vision, including this album because you know, I've written songs since I was 10 - I taught myself how to write songs since I was 10. There's many more projects that I have lined up - it's not just this album.
Take me through the writing process for 11:11pm.
I noticed too many songs written about heartbreak were centered in love and romance. When I wrote 11:11pm in my car, I really had to think about the kind of representation that I wanted to see, and what I wanted to hear. And I felt like no-one talked about the kind of heartbreak when it comes to loneliness and isolation. No-one was talking about what I feel most people experience in life, especially when you're a young teenager and a young adult - I wrote 11:11pm in my car around that age. But I remember the melody - the first melody that came up, it was like (Valen sings melody). And then it sounded like the word (Valen sings) lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely. That was really the seed. I had to think to myself well what area in my life am I feeling lonely? And it started with the simple truth of really feeling like alone. Like really feeling truly alone in a world even though, you know, my social life was thriving at that time - but I still felt alone. I was partying every weekend. I still felt deeply alone because of the things that were going on at home, and in you know, my personal life.
How did you record 11:11pm? Who did you record it with, where? Yeah, tell me about it.
It was hard to get funding for 11:11pm and have it recorded. I felt hopeless. I felt so incompetent. I felt like I had a lack of skills that I couldn't even get studio time to record my own music. But through networking, I was introduced to Kerry and Kerry - Kerry's a live sound engineer, he knew Dave, and so we recorded 11:11pm at Dave Dobbyns studio. Me and Kerry reached out to musicians that we already knew of. Recording with other musicians opened me up to what other people have to contribute to my music - they helped to shape the sound. I'm used to producing my own music and writing, and arranging and composing. But seeing what other people add really alter your vision a little bit but still keep it with you. I used to think that these people are so much more...they have a lot more to offer than me. I remember Dave saying, 'Whatever you do, go with you gut. Always trust your gut, follow your gut.' And I left that studio, and I left that experience more confident in myself, in what I do and the music that I write. And that's something that I took away from that experience during the recording process.
So the hot question is, why the fundraiser? Why the $10k?
I have applied for funding, not once, not twice - but three times. (Valen laughs) And I've been unsuccessful for all three times. At first the rejection felt personal, but then it challenged me to launch my own. And I'm so happy that I did because the amount of people that I've met, and the amount of people who have also reached out to me and offered help - not even in monetary ways but just in other ways is super helpful. And sometimes that's all I need. I'm also beginning to feel like it's not always about raising the funds sometimes, it's just about connecting with people who genuinely can help in some type of way just because they, you know, vibe with you or maybe they're on a similar path. Or maybe they're doing something like you. I don't have time to wait around for the next round, you know, the next rounds of funding because I've got shit to do. I've got things to do, things to make so I decided now is the time to just launch my own fundraiser. And you know, start from the ground up with my bestie. (Valen giggles).